My father showed up at my door a few minutes ago. He wanted to 'talk'. When he wants to 'talk', it means he wants to treat me like I'm a child and I have to do what he says. So, an explanation is needed, also you'll need to refer to the about me post. Also, when my sister was down, there was a fight in which he refused to listen to her side of the story. The list of not believing the kids vs. the woman who is having sex with him is a very long one. Trust me. Why is it he cannot believe she didn't feel welcome? Could it have been the dirty looks, the yelling, or the snide remarks? Of course not, his current sex object wouldn't do these things. Of course, their relationship has been on and off. During the off times he called her a crazy bitch, and said stuff about her doing the exact things she was doing to my sister. Reality Check! Take the damn blinders off already. This is one of the main reasons my sisters and I are so screwed up. Of course, it's not all the womens' fault. He did his share, calling us stupid worthless etc.
So I says, no, I don't want to talk. I know myself well enough I'm just going to scream and argue, I'm so pissed off about this. I also pointed out that he's let all the women in his life treat us like shit. This is where I drew the line. There was no misunderstanding. You can't misunderstand someone yelling about not answering the phone or wanting to baby-proof the house for an active 1yr old. Plus, the dirty looks and snide comments. My sister cleaned up after herself and kept the baby's stuff picked up; pretty much just stayed out of their way. They insisted she stay there, she knew it was a bad idea but was willing to try it. He asks me what gives me the right to cut him out of my life. Duh! It's my life, not his, MINE. If he cannot do what is right for my sister, how can I trust him with my kids. He also claimed I, personally, ruined his relationship with his son-in-law, aka my husband. They were friends before me. He should know better. My husband has his own opinion. I do not give it to him. I use my husband as a sounding board. I can trust him to tell me when I go overboard about something. He has always told me when I do. He is not of the opinion that I'm in the wrong. I trust this. He never liked dad's new wife in the first place. He saw this coming before I did. As my dad likes to make up his own reality when things don't go his way, it's going to be all my fault my husband is also pissed off about this. That said, my husband has chosen to stay out of it. No big deal, that's his choice. I respect it. Therefore, when my kids need to see grandpa, he will accompany them. My kids will never be alone with him. I can't trust him to keep control over that woman to not go overboard with them.
One of the last times I was over there, we were leaving and my 2yr threw up all over the car. So I took him out, back to the house and cleaned him up, then cleaned the car just enough for him not to sit in puke in his car seat. She told me not to worry about it, I cleaned it up as best I could. They were going to bed, I didn't want to keep them up. I came over as soon as I could the next day to clean it up. Apparently I take too many liberties. I should have bleached the house or something. Also, apparently I should have left my puking child in his carseat and proceeded home. No matter that his carseat leans back at a slight angle and he was choking on his puke. Nope, should have went anyway.
Another thing! My father thinks he has the right to 'talk' to me about my marriage. Ummm....EXCUSE ME! He has no business in that. It's my marriage, I didn't marry him! Sure we have problems, we deal with it. Everyone does. So, once again, I'm not good enough. Well, I'm fucking sick of it. I'm never going to be good enough for him. This is one of my main reasonings for my decision to make sure my kids are never 'alone' with him/them. My kids don't need that shit, life is hard enough. So no, he will never again be invited to my kids' birthday parties, xmas, etc. If he wants to celebrate with them, I will send them with someone I trust to look out for their best interests. It's time that man learned a hard lesson. The world does not revolve around him. He cannot have his way whenever he wants. No matter how big a fit he throws I will not give in. AND if he's stupid enough to appeal to my grandma, I will have no choice but to tell her the truth. She's not stupid, she knows things about him. He really doesn't want that to happen, she's seen the many things he did to us as kids. I know she'll tell him what he needs to hear. Not what he wants to hear.
*update* I just got off the phone with my sister. He lied yet again. I supposedly shooed the kids into their room before I answered the door. It was their nap time, they were supposed to be sleeping. I thought they were the ones knocking, that's why I was in their room. They do it a lot when they don't want to nap. I didn't know anyone was knocking til I went back downstairs and heard it again. It didn't sound like them, so I looked out the window. It was an unfamiliar truck, so I answered the door. If I had known it was him, I would have told him to go away and not even answer the door. I probably would have called the cops if he had refused. I'm tired of the lying. I'm tired of it all. You know, he never once asked to see my kids. Of course I didn't let him into my house. I didn't want to talk to him. I'm getting out of here before too long. I want to leave. It probably won't be til after the kids go to school, and I get a job again. Save the money to get the hell away from him. Force us to leave my husbands family behind too. Most of them live here. It's gotten to be too much. I shouldn't have to put up with this. I'm not even sure I'm going to let him see my kids now. I don't trust him. I just 'know' he's going to treat my kids like he does us, even now. I'm done. I'm not dealing with it anymore.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I can be wrong. I also know I'm not wrong about this. 27 years of expirience has told me this. |