Someone told grandma. I got a letter with a small lecture today. I know she means well, I know she doesn't know the whole story. She acknowledges that also. I was trying to keep her out of it. She doesn't need to know how unloving her son is. She doesn't need to know how much he still treats his children like shit. I want to know who told her. If he did, or the bitch wife, I will not hesitate to tell her exactly what the problem is. If someone else did, I don't know. I need to know who told her and how much she does know.
I mean would you like to know that your grandkids, the only time they felt wanted or loved was once a year? That whenever he was around her was the only time he ever pretended like he cared?
She asked how I'd feel if he went to the doc and something was wrong. Well, I'd feel about as bad about it as I do for a stranger. No more than that. He does not deserve what I feel for my sisters. If I want to cut myself and my children off from the pain that he gives it's my right. Why should I subject myself to that pain on a regular basis? My whole life I knew I was not supposed to exist. My whole life I knew I wasn't wanted. My whole life I knew I would never be good enough. I could never do right. NEVER. If I choose to reject that and deal with less pain it is my right to do so. Since he still does this to each of us, his children, why should I allow my kids to be subjected to it? Every holiday they've had since then the kids have gone over with my hubby. It's not like he will never see them again. It's that he'll never see me again. He will probably come close to never seeing oldest again, atleast for a long time. That's just wrong. He had no right. Just because you produce half the genes does not mean you have the right to put your children so far down, they never find their way out of the hole.
PISSED! |