I'm going offline for a while. My new cd-rw drive came in. I don't know how long it'll take me to install.

For those looking for info on the hurricane damage go visit the irish trojan's blog. There's a link in the previous post and on the sidebar.

http://www.wwltv.com/perl/common/video/wmPlayer.pl?title=beloint_khou&props=livenoad
Is the address for the live feed from WWLtv. It's a local station broadcasting from LSU. They are getting in new video feeds, and are announcing breaking news as they get it for New Orleans. They are also reading letters and e-mails from people who are evacuated to those who are in NO still. Also any that come in from NO to those who are worried about them. They read them when they can. They also encourage ppl to write letters and e-mails to the news website and will read them on-air between the news broadcasts they get in.

The entire coast will need as much help as everyone can give them. Best updating of all situations are at the irish trojan blog or at the links he has on his sidebar.

Our thoughts are with you all. |

I noticed that quite a few people came by from my commenting on The Irish Trojan's blog. I apologize if ya'll got the idea that I was actually blogging about it. I found Brendan's site to be the most informative and quickly updated site about it. My main concern about it, selfish though it may be, is that one of my blog friends lives in New Orleans. So I've been getting information there. Since I noticed that he was updating so quickly and multi-tasking I tried to do my part to help. I was watching the 'The Weather Channel' and could help in that way.

Se7en, I hope you were able to get the hell outta dodge, since you didn't leave until Sunday morning. The outlook is better than it was for NO, but they are saying that the storm surges have yet to come in. I don't really understand what that means, but I think there is may still be some danger of more flooding.

Anyone wanting more information, go to the Irish Trojan. He has many links and posts about what's going on. If you'll take the time to go back through the last few days of posts, you'll notice that the warning should have gone out Saturday morning at the latest. Instead many tourists got trapped, as they weren't going to leave until a 'mandatory' evacuation was called. From what I have been able to tell, with the evacuation so late, many people were trapped on the interstate highways during the hurricane.

As soon as people start setting up places to donate for helping with the damage and whatnot, I'll let ya'll know.
*update* there's a post with a link for donations to the red cross. |

I'm not sure the title is the right one, but maybe it is. I did tell ya'll I'd write this story. Bear with me. It's hard to write, think or talk about. If you see some misplaced humor, it's just me dealing with it. Lightening my mood to enable me to tell my story. In order to tell it, we must have a little history also. Telling it bareboned would not do it justice. It will be my thoughts, impressions of that time. This is my story. No one knows the full story, I don't talk about it. It does need to be told. I think it's time. Bear with me while I muddle through. It may get graphic, and I'd say that a man may not be able to 'stomach' the story. I suggest they read it anyway, but you know, whatever.
This is the story of a teenage girl. One who was lost, and had been for a long time. Almost no self-esteem due to her upbringing. Being told you are stupid and worthless your entire life does this to a girl. It will also demonstrate why it is VERY important to teach your children about sex. There is a right and a wrong way. You will see, just bear with me. While I'm writing, I'm also listing to my launchast radio, if you see bits of music thrown in, well that's why. I'd never survive without my music to speak for me at times.

Deep breath. I think first I should explain what my sex education was. Stepbitch sat down and said: When you're 16 we'll put you on birth control. That's the extent of my parental sex talk. My friends, the girl ones, simply bragged about having it, not really anything else. Health class taught me that if you get pregnant, you miss your period. Let's all remember that very important point. Pregnant=missed period. (not true) That's it, that's all I knew about sex until I was 15.
We won't talk about losing my virginity, it's not very relevant here. The only relevance it has is that I lost it because he wanted to have sex. It was painful, took 3 times to break through and well, it always hurt anyway. (It wasn't until I met my husband at age 21 that I learned a woman needed to be 'wet' before penetration for it not to hurt. That's when I learned sex was fun.)
Now to set the relevant background. At 15 I was working at the Flats, the girls know where that is. There I met Angelo. He was 20 something. The point being, he was nice to me. I was attracted and pursued him, let's remember that. Let's also remember here I never had sex with a condom until my hubby. Because: It doesn't feel good (he said, both he's). The pertinent question here is why I had sex with him. It had never been a nice expirience before. I admit, I was curious. I didn't have much self-esteem either. I don't really know why I did. Mostly because he wanted to. He had soft lips, I liked his kisses, that's what it was for me. Didn't necessarily want the sex itself. I never did like it, yet I still did it. Why? Basically, he wanted to. I'm very lucky I didn't catch any diseases from him. He had sex with a lot of women. I wasn't possessive of him, as I didn't really look at him as 'mine'. I just didn't care. If I'd have known then...You know the saying, I would have had more self respect. I broke it off in the January before I turned 16. If you're curious, it was only for a few months that winter. I know when the last time I had had sex with him was, because of the circumstances in which I broke it off. I don't want to talk about those. Anyway, it was the end of January, no later.
Anyway, on with the show. A little 'woman' talk is necessary here. My period has always been short. It has never been predictable, and my cycle is short. I can have 2 in one month, the first of the month and the last, it's about a 3 to 3 and half week cycle. Months are 4 weeks. It's important to note I never missed one. NOT ONE. I never had cramps, no PMS, no early warning. Once in a while I would have very mild cramps 2 days before. I would bleed for 3 days. The first day was a normal flow, and the next 2 were a trickle, I didn't actually need a pad. It was that light. The only reason I tell you this is it pertains to the story.
After school let out that year, I was 16 by then, in June we went to my cousin's graduation. Her parents are missionaries in Hong Kong. They would come back to the states for each child's senior year. In June, we were in Indiana. Our family was there, our grandparents and my aunt and uncle's family. I was 'on the rag' by the time we arrived. I was cramping very badly. I was bleeding a lot. I was changing my pad roughly every hour. Went to the store and got some medicine for that, may have been midol or something. It did not lessen any pain. On the day of Sara's graduation, which was to take place that night, here is what I remember:
At some point I had gone to the restroom, did my thing and changed my pad yet again. I was in a lot of pain. I went to the kitchen where grandma was cooking something. I remember saying something like grandma can I ask you something. Next thing I know I had thrown up all over the table. Everyone freaked out. Grandma looked very worried. My father said I was ghost white and had passed out. He and my uncle took me to the ER.
The ER: Of course you register and whatnot, all that I have no memory of. My father was in the room with me. Of course being a young girl one of the questions they ask is if you are pregnant. Remember, this is June, the last sex I had was January. So, count from Feb to middle of June and you get 5 months. So, my answer was no. The doc kept asking and looking at me funny. I had to pee in a cup. They sent my father out of the room and asked again, I said no it's not possible. I also said the last time I had sex was January. They did not believe me, can't really blame them as a lot of girls I'm sure are scared and lie. It did not occur to me to lie about that. Then, I got sent to get an MRI done. I remember outside of that room waiting on the hospital bed, by that time I couldn't stand so they chose to wheel the bed around, I was talking to I think the radiologist who does the MRI. They said cat-scan, I don't know if that's different. He was asking about the pain and what not. The next thing I know, I woke up and asked him what he gave me to knock me out. I was feeling no pain. It didn't hurt anymore. He didn't give me anything at all. The scans were inconclusive, so the sent me to get an ultrasound. Getting an ultrasound that quickly is not fun. There is a tube and saline involved there. They have to get liquid into your bladder. They did the ultrasound but would not tell me what they found. Back to the ER room I was in, same doc as saw me first. Remember, they did do a piss test. This is where it starts getting a little freaky. This doctor asked me if I had had an abortion. I said no, I'm not even pregnant. Apparently the miscarriage looked so bad, that they thought that's what happened. We'll note here, that I'm not even sure if there's anyone in the area I live in, even now, that does that. And let's set aside that it is something I know I would never do. So, here I am, in an ER room with a pissed off doctor accusing me of having an abortion. Here I am thinking it's not possible to be pregnant as I have been taught that when you are pregnant, you miss your period. End of story. Out comes that damn whatcha-ma-callit, speculum I think. There is nothing a woman hates more than those things and the stirrups. I was alone in that room with a pissed of doctor and a nurse who looked at me like I was some misguided child. ALONE. They didn't even bother to hide what they were doing. So that I couldn't see. I guess maybe they thought I deserved it, I don't know. Here I am, alone, absorbing that I had been pregnant and lost a baby. My whole life all I've ever really wanted to be was a mother. Remember that month count? Add in the 2 weeks on either side of your cycle that you are 'fertile'. That makes atleast 5 months. They were putting it in a jar, A JAR! It looked like a baby. This is very hard, it's seared into my brain. Alone in a hospital room, looking at what would have been my child.
When they were done, my father came back into the room. He was pissed. I got yelled at for lying to the doctor. The whole way back to my uncle's house. I got that 'look'. The girls know what that look is. Ice blue eyes. GLARE. ALONE. LOST. This is so hard to write. We got back and no one had much to say. The littler ones knew nothing. My cousins didn't know what to say. My grandmother looked at me and said I could talk to her when I was ready. My father continued to yell and glare with those ice blue eyes that always portray his RAGE. Stepbitch told me it was god's will. FUCK THAT SHIT. That night, I was left alone while everyone else went to the graduation. ALONE. Tell me, what kind of parents leave their child alone to deal with shit like that? I really want to know the answer to that one. My grandmother would have stayed, but I told her to go, she needed to be at the graduation. I wasn't allowed to go, the docs said I had to rest. I know that if not for the doctor's orders I would have been forced to go.
I will try to describe my thoughts. In a space of a couple hours, I found out I was pregnant, but not anymore. I lost a baby I never knew I had. I was ALONE. The people in my life who were supposed to be there for me were pissed off and disgusted. Guilt, so much guilt. I never missed a period, my waist didn't get bigger, my breasts weren't more sensitive, nothing to tell me I was pregnant. Now that I have 2 children, I know what it's like to be pregnant and I felt none of those things back then. I thought it was all my fault. I must have done something wrong, something to deserve it. My self-esteem was the lowest it had ever been. ALL...MY...FAULT. To top of my guilt for this, the whole way home and continuing months later, I was still getting the disgust and the 'look'.
I would never have survived if not for my job. The people I worked for and with. My bosses felt guilty because they didn't know about my 'relationship' and were supportive of me. The guys I worked with were supportive of me. Angelo went back to Denver as soon as he found out. I had to call my bosses and take an extended week vacation, so he got advance warning. I don't blame him, he probably would have paid for it with his life. No, I'm not joking. I was threatened into filing a statutory rape charge. I don't think they extradited him from Denver. Andy, who was head cook after Angelo left, had a brother I had worked with and been friends with before he moved back to Denver called me. Alma had told him the story. He called me at work, of course, and offered to go beat the shit out of him. It was unnecessary really. I still wouldn't have gotten past it, if not for the woman police officer I went to file the charges with. She shooed my stepbitch out of the room to talk to me. They wanted details, which I was embarassed to give. I told her about my guilt. I had bad allergies and was constantly taking benadryl to be able to function, I carried heavy bus tubs, filled with dishes, on my waist to support the weight. She explained that it couldn't possibly have been the benadryl as they recommend that 'drug' for pregnant women with allergies, it's safe to take. I did tell her about the doc telling me I had had an abortion, and she believed ME. She was the first person to do so. She explained that yes, it is possible to keep having your period when pregnant, it is possible to have no symptoms at all. It was not my fault. A woman miscarries if there is something wrong with the fetus. If it would not survive outside of the womb. That probably saved my life. I was very depressed and in a very dark place. The first person to tell me it was not MY fault. In reality, my family should have done that. The girls themselves, didn't really know so they don't count. My grandmother is the only one who didn't judge me for having sex before marriage. That didn't really count for a long time as she was in NE and we were in MO. Going back to school that year really helped too. My friend Billie helped alot. She had an aunt that never missed a period and out popped a cousin, no symptoms for the whole pregnancy, even an enlarged belly. Anything that got me out of my home environment helped me. I didn't get past it for a very long time. I haven't really even now. I will never forget. It still makes me cry. It is something that unless it happens to you, you don't know. You really cannot relate to it. It's different even than losing a child that has been born. You haven't even met the child.
The most painful question I was ever asked came from Oldest sister. She respected my inability to talk about it, but she did need to ask this question. I understood her need. And I did give the answer. She asked me what it felt like to have a miscarriage. You can guess why she asked that question. It is a pain like you have never known. You bleed a lot. A whole hell of a lot. Nothing can take the edge off of that pain. We've never talked about it since, but I have always assumed from her expression after I answered that it wasn't something she had had. (Just to note, she was married at the time.)
This episode in my life does still hold power over me. Mostly I just cry about it every once in a while. It no longer has the ability to take me to my very dark place. I suppose that's a good thing.
Now, you all know why it is so important to teach your kids properly. That's all I ask of you. I did not write this to have anyone say, I feel bad for you, or whatever. I don't need it, and I don't want it. I give you all the opportunity to learn from my mistakes. I don't like to point out my mistakes, I mean who does? This is a life lesson for others to learn from. Don't make my mistakes. Don't make my parents' mistakes. It's all fine and good to tell your kids not to have sex, but they really do need to know why. The don't need the usual answers, they need to know good, solid reasons. Remember, your children do listen to you. Be careful what you say to your children, you really can scar them for life. I know, I've been there.
There's really not much left to say. It'll be a while before I write again, I think. Confessions like this take a lot out of you. I'll be having a good cry later when my kids sleep. As always, I re-read my posts. My wish for ya'll is to have written well enough so that you 'see' how it felt. I hope I have written it well enough. This is something that I would never wish on anyone. This is the one thing in my life I have always been alone in. There is nothing like it. I hope it was conveyed well. I have a large vocabulary, but don't always come up with the right words. I think I may send this one to grandma too. Anyway, maybe later I might revise it after re-reading it. If I do, it will be to add more descriptive words, as my brain does not deal well with this. Ya'll have a good weekend! |

Today, I was throwing shit out. I have a lot of things I want to keep and have no room for. It was quite painful. All my recipe magazines are now in the trash. UGH. Trashcan is full! Anyway, that's not the point. I found some pictures. I'm gonna share them. :)  Having a lazy day, so not much editing effort is going to go into the photos.


This is sweetpea and her son, apparently grandma had her date wrong on her camera. You can see it says '95. We didn't have kids in '95, I graduated that year. LMAO! The boys were born in '01. You can see she's skinny, the only one of us that can be that way without extreme effort. I chose it cuz of her grin. She smiles that way all the time.

Our grandpa with Mikel and Ethan. They are 3 weeks apart in age. Was ethan stripping?! LMAO. In the top corner is a painting of the bluffs grandpa did.

Well, I had more pictures, but the scanner is being pissy. I can't un-install and re-install the driver to fix the problem. My cd-drive won't read the disk! We'll be getting the new one sometime TUESDAY. So much for 3 day shipping. UPS delivers on saturday. The order should have been shipped out Thursday before noon. I ordered it early-ish wed. night, so it should have been a first thing next day. They didn't get the package to the ups shipping whatever until late late thurs. Maybe I should ask them to refund me to the 5 day shipping cost. Ah, well. You take what you get and get what you pay for. |

Well, for me anyway. Dalyna, if I didn't love mine, I would probably steal your hubby just for his brains! LMAO! Thanx to matt, I have ordered a new drive. I chose 3 day shipping. Ya'll are on notice, if I can't figure out how to install it, I'll be asking everybody how. :P Then I'll be able to get into that damned burned cd.

Now all I need is more RAM and a faster processor and I'll be all set up. I told him he volunteered hisself right into that one! Good thing I'm not pushy. LMAO!

Have fun ya'll, we'll be onto bigger and better graphics soon! |

I haven't really been up to all that much. Oldest sister IM'd me last night after I was in bed. LMAO, 11pm is early bedtime for me. Hubby was watching a Bond movie and I heard chimes. I asked him if it was in the movie, he says yes. I was confused a bit. 3 chimes. Damn, that's my IM. It's on all the time for precisely that reason. The only time I let it make sounds is if someone actually clickies and says something. Brandon had his eye surgery yesterday. He's fine, his eye is bloody and nose was trickling a bit. She says there are no visible incisions. His post-op is sometime today. She said he was using his eye all day. He's never been able to use it. Write these words down girls...'strabismus extropia(or estropia)' as it's hereditary. Your pediatrician needs to know that. From what I read before she had the right words, the kids have the greatest chance to have it before age 2 or 3 I think. Need to look it up at webMD again. Our mother and Uncle Steve had it and so does Chris and now Brandon. My eyes do that too, it's just not noticeable. Brandon's eye didn't move because 'the inner eye muscle was too short and wouldn't allow it to move'. She also had an interview this morning, cross your fingers there have been many. I gave her dalyna's new e-mail that you have been sending mail from and jesse jay's e-mail. Apparently mouse had her baby at some point already, it's a girl. 3 of them now. I don't have her e-mail address since I had to wipe my hard drive. I also told her about her present. Still haven't mailed it. I scanned it. It's a set. I don't have it in the post itself as it's too big and won't show properly, just clicky the link. There's a rainbow line because the scanner has PMS. I told her I'd e-mail a picture. Now if I can just get around to mailing it! Her favorite color is blue, if you didn't know that already. The regular and not any real shade of it.

I've also been working on 2 blogs. Sweetpea's has the most done to it. Dragon pics are easily found. I can't do the proper work on the banners and a header until I get access to the proper programs. I will get that new cd drive soon. I'm tired of not having a good program. Dalyna's hasn't changed much from what I've done with it. I'm having trouble finding good dolphin pics that are free for use on the web and small enough to be on a button. A lot of the time, translating from a good larger picture does not translate well at all to a 60px-40px size. I think I have some links I'm supposed to add to those sites. Ah, well I do need to teach them how, I just don't want sweetpea messing around in the CSS template again until I teach her. That one was a mess. She was doing her posts in the TEMPLATE! I guess she didn't see 'Create New Post'. LMAO, got that fixed up now. I'd like to get some nice smallish fairies too. Gonna take a bit of searching, which I no longer have the patience for. I'm also thinking about reworking my lines, banners, and buttons. I did them all myself. No one's allowed to take those, they won't work for any site but mine anyway. I did some cheating-ish shortcuts for them. They blend on my page, but won't on anyone elses. I think the thing I'm most proud of is my bars. They are all set to be an exact measurement. If ya'll are curious, and have firefox, right click on one and use view image (it might be picture) and you'll see what I mean. They aren't very impressive on a white background, but they are on mine :) I made my animated header and e-mail button. I have the e-mail on a slower animation, so you'll have to actually watch it. There's a little cheating on the animations too. I made them 'tween' between the first and last frame too, otherwise the animation stops abruptly and starts again. The way I did it, it's not at all noticeable. I did figure out that one on my own.
All this is, of course, Se7en's fault. To see where I got my 'inspiration' from go vistit Blogs Gone Wild. There how's that for the search thingy?! He's creating faster than I can keep up. Maybe we'll get to peek at some of the new ones before they're done. I think I asked him quite a few questions before I was done with my page. A Veracious, who's been visiting lately, had his blog done by Se7en. His is a lighthouse with 2 background images. I had to stare at his source code for a bit to figure it out. There's a z= code that levels the images. If you need them too. Just like if you were making a picture in a program that had, say, a few different layers of text on it. You 'order' the stuff or send to back, send to front. That's what the z thingy does. So the banner, with the top of the lighthouse, is still a background image, but it's layered on top of the other image, which is the tower of the lighthouse. Very ingenious I'd have never thought of that. I didn't know you could have more than 1 background image. Oh yeah, and the RA's site was done by him too. Back when he was figuring things out. Her's is lighthouse stuff too. She comes by fairly often, so I mention her too. In fact many of the blogs I have on my RSS were designed by se7en, that's how I found them. When he finishes a batch of them, he posts them so we can all go see.

Ending on an important note...
go visit over at Blackfive's for news about our soldiers and what is really going on in Iraq. There you'll find a lot of information. Soldiers, their family's, etc send him news and whatnot for those of us here. You'll find many milblogs there. Some are soldiers, some are their families, and there's atleast one journalist who's embedded with what they call the 'deuce 4'. He writes what he sees, you won't find anything like it on your tv. For those who can afford to, there are many links to help our soldiers. They can always use care packages and whatever else you can give them. I've seen a few post some appreciated letters from school children. Now, as always, play nicely. If you don't like what you see, there is that pretty little x button in the top right corner of your browser. If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all!

See ya'll later. |

{sing-song}I found it! I found it!{/} I can't believe I found this damn thing again. This thing has a loooong history of being lost and found again. In my family, us girls were introduced to this a while ago. We loved this...it was fun to make. Our friends at first thought it was gross. It had worms. {hint} MMMMM Yummy! Worms! Yes, I have really tasted real worms. They are just wiggly. 'Tastes like chicken'. The girls know what I mean, I think.
Anyway, on the the history of this lost and found thing. Long, long ago...{a bit of exaggeration here} in a life far, far away {relieved that's over} Let me have my little bit of fun damn it! Anyway, we had this thing. Back when I was working at the 'flats', the girls may know what this is, I gave this thing to Carol. Then I lost it. Years later I was working somewhere else and Carol came to work there. Carol taught me all there was to know about bussing tables and waiting on them. I asked her if she still had this thing. Yes, she gave it back, sort of. So I had it again. It was awesome. So, I lost it before I put it in the place it belonged. Every year I seem to find it, put it where I need it and lose it again. In looking for the manual for something, I found it again. Now, I'm gonna put it on the internet where it'll never be lost again.
However, before I show you what it is, you have to guess. I'm fairly sure the girls will get it right, if they come by before everyone else. I know they are gonna want this thing. LMAO. Lost and found
Remember guess first then look. Have fun ya'll! |

Huh? We've never had one like this before. Well, I'll tell you what I mean. In actuality, I'm watching tv and typing, so you'll have to excuse the typos. LMAO! I don't really need to see the keyboard anyway. I'm not a hunt and peck kinda girl. Bill's at the Chiefs' pre-game game tonight. It's on Fox right now, if you wanna see. It's front row a little to the right of one side of one of the goal posts. It's really the left, but if we see him, he'll be on our right on the tv. So, here I am watching a game with teams I don't care for. UGH! Well, that's only partially true. I like to give him shit about the Cheifs being a really bad team. My good cartoons aren't on until later anyway. Not that I expect the game to be over by 11. It's a 4 hour trip home for them too. Silly men, I told him to see about staying overnite at his cousin's so as not to be driving at 2 am. No sign of the guys in the stands yet. Not that I necessarily expect it. He's wearing a red shirt with a tiny embroidered cheifs logo in the center top, and a White chiefs hat, if anyone cares. Of course that probably describes about half the fans there. LOL!
There won't be any good cartoons on until Inuyasha tonight. They've been changing the time on me. It could be 10:30 or 11:30 or so. Samurai Champloo has been re-runs. No big deal. I still watch if I have nothing better to do. There was a new, I haven't seen anyway, W.I.T.C.H. on this morning, I really liked it. They won! From the ending, I'd say there's gonna be a season 2. Adult Swim has been showing a couple of interesting Saturday night cartoon previews. I can't wait for Wolf's Rain and Witchhunter Robin to come back on. They were awesome. I saw a new Shaman King this morning, it was awesome too. I miss it half the time it's on, so I don't really know what's going on in the show. I still like it.
LMAO! 'Unsportsmanlike Conduct, Taunting' MORON! Baby mistakes will not make the team. Oh well, that's what happens in pre-season games anyway. No idea which team it was for though. The other night, another team was playing and the announcers were saying there's discussions about having only 2 pre-season games. That would really suck, we have to wait a very long time for football to come back. That would be another 2 weeks! NOOOOOO Say it ain't soooo! ;) I need my football games damnit! Anyway, I heard Troy Aikman (sp?) say something like: you know I've always been a proponent for 2 games not for. Okay, this is where I have a problem, if you are under-educated please do not prove it to me. There is life after football, and kids need to know that. Advocate is the proper word. I've often wondered how some of these pro players managed to get through 4 years of college. I mean, come on, at the very least they should know words. Maybe I'll look up proponent to make sure, but I'm fairly sure it means 'a part of' rather than 'a person for/in favor of'. I've always been very good at spelling and knowing what most words mean. I read a lot and get the gist of words without a dictionary so I could be wrong but I doubt it. And...I'm not college educated. This is a problem. I mean, very few pro-players manage to get announcing and/or coaching jobs after being voluntarily/forcibly retired. As much money as they pay a lot of those guys, you'd think they'd make sure they know how to survive after pro-football. Careers are often short, and a college education is supposed to prepare you for life. I wonder whose shame is the worst for that. The pro-side, the colleges, or the players themselves. hmm. I mean they take them right out of college. Someone should be ashamed. A college education is supposed to mean something. You have to have basic english, science and math in order to take advanced classes in college. You have to pass a test to bypass those. That's just sad. After they entertain us, how many do we hear of? Very few. That's sad.
See ya'll later. |

I see you. You see the little counters on my sidebar? I know you are there. I have rules. 1. I don't give a damn if you read what I write, but under no circumstances will you EVER let jessie or chris read my site. 2. I don't give a damn if you don't like what I write, I write truth not your un-reality. No rude comments, or lies allowed. You will be BANNED from haloscan. This means you will never be allowed to comment ever again. 3. Do not e-mail me. You are not allowed.
Abide by these rules and we will get along just fine. |

I know, I know I've titled one like this already. It's my 'journal' and I can do whatever I want! Including entertaining myself when writing, as you can sometimes see scattered throughout my 'entries'. So as I was going through round and about today, Blade posts that he vacationed in CO and would like to live there. In my head...I'm laughing my ass off. They get snow from hell there. The pic he provided was nice, but I've seen better. My family lives in NE, we've been to Scott's Bluff more times than I can count. There is nothing like taking the trip to visit everyone. We go through NE, which has the bluffs. They are gorgeous. Through Wyoming, been to the Dakotas too. Much better scenery I say. Not to mention, no mountains=less snow. {laughing} So I got to thinking....
And now I was thinking that I have pictures of the bluffs. Well, kind of. I actually don't. My grandfather used to paint when he could still see. I don't have pictures of those paintings. I thought surely I had taking a photograph of one of the 2 fire paintings. Let me tell you, you can't really describe them, you have to see to expirience. I am assigning Dalyna to get a GOOD photo of Grandma's fire painting. I want that one. She won't let me have it, it's her favorite. She did tell me that after she dies, we get to get one of her dishes from her china cabinet. I did tell her those things don't mean anything to me, I'd rather have her. Life goes on. AGH! I don't want to go there, I'll have nightmares about that, again! And trust me, they are nightmares. I did ask if I could have it after she goes, bad girl!, but someone already asked, don't know what she'll do about that. One thing I do know, no one will fight over her things. We aren't like that. I'm still due another painting of grandpa's but the only one I want is the fire one. I'm sure sweet pea could get me a photo of our father's fire painting (grandpa did paint it), but I'm not sure I could ask that of her. All of us girls want that one. We are sooo bad. Well not really. When I get the photo/s I will show ya'll what I mean. I think it was grandpa's mom who wrote a beautiful poem. I don't remember what it says. Dad has it mounted on wood and laquered so it won't fade or anything. Grandma might have it. She probably does actually. Have to ask for a copy. Sooo...art does run in my family.
Getting to the point, I just looked through my old photos and found 2 of the paintings my cousin, of some what removed, painted. At the AGE of 10. I kid you not. I'm gonna scan his paintings (the photos I have, they aren't great photos) and his picture. You'll see. I'm going to try to get a decent photo of the painting I have that my grandfather did. His initials spell RAG. That's ok, I'm just explaining why you'll see it at the corner.
Ok, grandpa's first! Me being too short to reach the painting where it is, the picture isn't the full painting.

Obviously at age 16, I wasn't a great photographer. You'll get the general idea though. The painting itself looks much better, the use of color in it was awesome!

There was another painting, but looking at the photo, it isn't very good. Thus, I'll show you the pic I have of Chris. We were at a family reunion in Wyoming. One of the forts from the Civil War, I think. We were on a hayride goofing around. I think sweet pea will remember the place. You can see Ed in the background, he was wearing the flowers too. They jumped off the wagon to pick them. I have a few pics of him, but this is my favorite one. He was much younger than me, but he was such fun.
  
Boy, she don't look happy does she. It's cuz she was sitting by Ed. She hates him from waaaay back. Ed and I survived a lot together and I know why he was the way he was, so I don't hold the grudge she does, and I don't blame her one bit. I chose this one because the others were out of focus. I have no pics of Dalyna from this one. I'm not sure why. Either step-bitch didn't let her go anywhere or she was hanging out elsewhere. Would you like to know why I remember this reunion so well? No, not because of the people there, we had many of those. It's because those damn people wouldn't leave my hair alone! Damn women kept coming up just to touch my hair. I am not kidding! To this day, it takes me a lot just to let someone cut my hair, and that only because I want it cut. For some reason people like to fondle my hair. UGH! So, that's that. You didn't think I would put your pic up there, didja? LMAO! Skinny little thing, she was. Girl could eat anything and not gain weight. Grr! It's ok, she hasn't been by in a while. I think I'll poke at her or something, tell her to swing by. That's what YIM is for, yes? I don't think oldest was at this one. She was out of the house by then.
Anyway...Girls I want those pictures. Have fun ya'll! (Took me an hour to put this post together. UGH!)
{psst, I just changed the quote of the day, check it out, it's hilarious!} |

...that I feel the urge to scratch. Drag your mind out of the gutter! Ha! I kill myself. This is the second post of the day, I urge ya'll to read the other one. Has a funny story about my kids in it. My Bon Jovi is on and I feel the urge... To what you ask? I'm not sure. I started to re-read one of my books, and then put music on and I find myself wanting to post again. Hmm, maybe I really do have some kind of creative 'juices'. I also have the urge to create. This has been partially fulfilled by messing with my sister's site, go check out what I did with it. I will be making a header. Also some banners for the titles on the sidebar. Ya'll know what I'm talking about. Probably some bars too. Having a little bit of trouble finding free dolphin pics that give permission for use on personal websites. I did, however, find what I thought to be the perfect background tile. I messed with it's color a bit, to make it that baby blue color she likes. You'll see what I mean. It's shade was originally a sea green-blue color. I tell ya, messing with the hue was a pain in the ass, but worth it. I also plan on making a gravatar too. I might find a cat instead of a dolphin for that one. It needs to be unique. I spent half a day yesterday to fix up her site. Most of it was searching for dolphin graphics. There's a graphics link on her sidebar ya'll should visit. Most of my visitors like the fantasy/sci fi stuff and that's what you'll mostly find there. It has the best dragons/skulls/fairies I've seen yet. Well, with the exception of what se7en comes up with. Which reminds me...
Se7en...do you have any graphics with dolphins I can use? I still can't get my damn drive to read the cd. I'm thinking about buying an Iomega cd-rw external drive I saw at wal-mart. Since I don't wanna mess with the tower, it should work better for me. You know anything about those? I really want that damn program. Did you check the disc to make sure it burned ok? I keep meaning to ask.
The 'newest' site that se7en did is in his most recent post. Lady Myles came by to visit. I commented over there after se7en announced he finished her site. I had to comment, it's awesome. The best I've seen yet. Didn't read much, but when I saw her post about a fantasy of Jack, Blade, and Big Sexy, I just had to mark her for my RSS feed. Hey, I may be married but I can still look! LMAO! Did I tell ya'll that Jack wrote a great short story the other day? Go check it out if you haven't yet. He's on my sidebar as Texas Music. It's a big secret, sparkling glitter rainbow ponies, you know. Zelda made up that name...LMAO! You ought to visit Blade Runner too. He's listed just below Jack. He's a good writer. Sporadic, but good anyway. He told on Jack...A good vomiting story. {I've never been very girly you know.} Between their police work and regular life, they don't get much time to write. *sigh* It's really too bad. They should talk Big Sexy into writing too. That'd be really great, telling on each other. Remember the 'snorting sweet n low incident? LMAO!
'Bed of Roses' is on now. Such a nice song. *sigh* Did ya'll get to read the quiz thingy I put up? It was fun! There I go running off at the mouth again, where was I?
Oh, I noticed that Trash came by today. I was excited, surely there was a new post! Sure enough. Go read it! Oh that's where I was, I mentioned Lady Myles. She commented and it took me a bit to figure out who it was. Ah, well...I'll be back there. Judy came by too. She's incognito now, moved her site and whatnot. Not sure why. I like her, she's nothing like me, she's 'girly'. LMAO! I tell ya, I've been fascinated lately by the weirdest things. Should I confess all my dark secrets? I think not! Ya'll should go visit Blackfive too. It's a milblog, but I find more news about our soldiers from there than anywhere else. He's got great causes too, no matter where you stand on the political spectrum. Now I know most of my visitors are of the polite sort, but if you're gonna be an asshole, don't go visit. Seriously! I'm not the political sort and don't wish to debate on everything. Besides, as I've said before, we DO NOT actually vote in our president, the ELECTORAL COLLEGE does, so people should really shut up about that shit. I mean really, it's basic civics. If you don't like it, vote your congressmen/senators out of office, they are the ones who let him into office, not YOU! Enough about that, I won't lecture anymore.
Brighton's having trouble with her dad. I can sooooo relate. It's not my place really, but she should tell him to go to hell and ignore his ass. I must confess, and my sisters (who do visit) know my stance on this, so no one is gonna be offended, which I would never want to do! I haven't been this happy and at peace with myself in YEARS! I told his ass what I thought and not to EVER come near me again. If I was egotistical or conceited, I could say I brought his marriage to an end, but I didn't, nor do I care. They really were good for each other. However, what they both did was inexcusable. I did all I could to protect my sisters and I can't do it anymore. I cannot go through that hell again. I did write about that very dark place, that terrifies me. One of these days, I'll post the letter I wrote to my husband after one of those episodes. It ain't pretty, let me tell ya. Did I tell you, I wasn't there with my sister when she had her baby? I really wanted to go, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I tried to explain, I just don't have the words. I think she understood though. She said she did. She'll probably say something when she comes by. There was never anything I could do, though I tried very hard, to protect littlest (Dalyna) from the asshole. At least she isn't within reach. You know, I hope you don't answer his phone calls! You don't need his shit! How I miss grandma though. I hated putting her in the middle! I wonder if she's waiting on me to call. I don't think I can. I'm just not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be. I miss them so much. Damn it! Now I wanna cry. So thankful for my music, it says so many things for me. It calms me. I need it just as much as I need my books. I've realized now, that's what reading is for me. I need it. I think hubby realizes it too now, after the last 'spat' we had. He 'gets' me. I'm not so restless now. I've been calm for the last week. It took me a week and a half of reading my library books to calm me. I guess I worry too much. Put much more responsibility on myself than I need to. Oh well, too late to change now.
See ya'll later. I think I'm done now! |

  It's been a while since I did this, but ya'll know how this works. I did warn you, remember that. My brain does not work in straight lines and it goes faster than my mouth does. So, inevitably there will be times that there are missing words and/or sentences because I thought I already said it.
  Cartoons were decent this weekend. For some reason, ABC family thinks Power Rangers from hell is the thing to do, they've been running them all morning on Saturdays for the past month or so. FUCKERS! I want my damn cartoons back! I miss beyblade! Shaman King was confusing, again. I still like it though. I didn't get to see my Saturday Night cartoons, hubby turned the tv off on me. I was reading while waiting for my cartoons. I was looking up every once in a while and the damn tv was magically shut off. Damn near all the cartoons are in re-run mode. That's pretty disappointing.
  Had to let go of my library books. That was a very sad moment. I enjoyed them so much. I did get a shipment of 4 from Harlequin though. They were very good. I get the historical ones. My Zooba book should be here soon, it's Tanequil. I wanna go to the library again!
  Hubby worked ALL weekend. UGH! 3 people in the kitchen in an 'on the water' restaraunt on a Saturday night. If that ain't suicidal, I don't know what is. Some other place just a few miles down, water miles not land ones, lost their 'chef' on Saturday. I said, 'You mean one with the pretty piece of paper?'. Then I started giggling. That was really stupid of the owners. They had to shut the place down and were sending the customers over to Paradise, where hubby was working. It's stupid to hire a chef, more... it's idiotic to hire one and let him run the kitchen however he wants and you don't have a clue what he's doing. Not only do you run the risk of him killing your profits or making really bad food that the summer people won't eat, if he quits on you, you have to shut the place down. LMAO! Summer people come here to play on the water and want 'water food'. Mostly something they can take on the boats. If they wanted fancy food, they would have stayed in the damn city!
  Watched the Chiefs game on friday. I thought they were gonna do okay, but then they screwed themselves. They played the Vikings in Minnesota. The field looked like crap. You'd think they'd spend the money to make it look nice, people pay enough for the tickets! The last, I think, 2 minutes of the game was hilarious! A defensive Viking player got called for 'roughing the passer' twice......IN A ROW! Suffice it to say, I'm very sure he won't make the team this year. Half the distance to the goal from the spot and well, they gave away that touchdown. LMAO. Hubby was so tired he was asleep and missed the only touchdown the Chiefs made. Poor guy, he was so disappointed with the way they were playing. I didn't have the heart to wake him, he looked so tired. He's going to Saturday's game with his brother. He also got the Dec. 2 tickets from him. We are going to watch them play the Broncos. We're gonna need a babysitter. Volunteers?! Atleast I probably won't get sunburned this time. It should be pretty mild. I'll wear one of my Mickey sweatshirts. It's hard for me to get cold. The seats are front row, behind and a little left of one of the goal posts. It'll be great. Last year we got to see the players warm up. Ain't nothing like watching them stretch! ;) That's always been my favorite part of football games from way back in highschool!
  Kids are brats as always. That's ok, they're my brats. Lemme tell you a funny story, pay real close attention now! Friday night, kids are messing around and supposed to be in bed sleeping. They always climb up onto their windowsill and jump down onto the floor. Steven always hurts himself and screeches a bit. This time it was a different sound. As always, Mikel knocks on the door, 'mommy, steven hurt hisself'. The sound of his screeching was different than usual. Any mother knows what I mean by that. I go upstairs, calm him down and ask him what happened. Cry some more. Calm down. Steven says: 'Mikel bit me'. Now, if ya'll will remember, Steven has been blaming everything on Mikel for quite some time, and Mikel rarely actually hurts Steven. So I look at Mikel, 'Mikel, did you bite Steven?' 'No mommy, Steven bit his own self'. Mommy: (is laughing her ass off at this point) 'Steven did you bite yourself?' Steven: {really pathetic voice, quietish} 'YaaAAAAH!' Mommy: (laughs harder) That was so damn funny. I took him out to look at it in the light. That boy bit himself really fucking hard. I'm laughing just remembering. The indentations are still there. It was already bruising too. I asked why, and he said he didn't know. Boy must have been curious or something. I told him not to do it again and he says: 'Okaaaaay' in that really pathetic voice. I still can't believe my 2 year old bit himself that hard just for kicks, but he did. LMFAO!
  Well that damn story sidetracked me and I don't remember what else I was gonna say. Oh, well. Trashman finally has a new post up. About damn time! |

This is from a post RA did a while back. Had to go searching through your archives to find it! I was gonna post it back then, but something else distracted me, not sure what. Anyway...on with the show:

• 10 years ago...
• Let's see...I graduated that May. I was working 'full' time at Gerbes, and trying to keep my mother from stealing my hard earned money and taking my car out for joy rides. She had no money, and it was all I could do to pay the over $400/month car payments, gas and insurance on my car. All my extra money from that went to feed the children in the house (hers), since she was too lazy to bother with it. 18 years old and supporting 2 kids, my mother while being exhausted working every day I could. I really should have known better.
• 5 years ago...
• Let's see...Since it's August now, I was pregnant with Mikel. By that time I knew it and wasn't working. The boss at the Cantina didn't want me working when I was pregnant, I guess. I was helping prep food and let me tell ya, the smell of the beans cooking made me throw up a few times.
• 1 year ago...
• Let's see...Last year, I was still getting along with my father. Trying to keep the peace between my sisters and him. Well, trying to get him to stop his crap with them anyway. I was still under the impression that I could influence that. Didn't do much good though. *sigh*
• Yesterday...
• I was resting my hands as they hurt like a bitch. Read 2 books. Surfed my favorite blogs via my little Sage and RSS feeds. Also tried a few blog templates for Dalyna's new blog. I didn't like them. I did put haloscan on it though. Can't give out the site unless she gives permission you know, it's not polite. That and she's littlest sister and maybe she doesn't want ya'll to know. :P
• Today...
• Re-read a book, checked e-mail and am trying to figure out how to fix Dalyna's site. I hate tables! There is so much CSS coding on her template it ain't funny. The tables have to go! Anyone has good dolphin pics, leave the site in haloscan for me. I'll take it from there. And you girl...set up the photobucket NOW! Things'll run smoother that way.
• Tomorrow...
• Same damn thing. My life's pretty boring.
• 5 snacks I enjoy...
• Can you say chocolate? Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate and well, ok if you insist, chocolate with peanut butter!
• 5 songs I know all the words to...
• Duh! Name your Bon Jovi song, and I can sing it! Not that I can carry a tune in a bucket but well... I think I'll just list my 5 favorites. 'I'll be there for you', 'Bang a Drum', 'Blaze of Glory', 'Blood Money', 'Keep the faith'. I can go on and on.
• 5 things I would do with $100,000,000...
• Well then, that's a lot of money. I'd probably sink it into the 'engine'. Don't ask, I'm not telling. He gets that thing right and we'll be having much more than a million dollars. Wise investment I'd say.
• 5 locations I would love to run away to...
• Well...none really. I'm more of a homebody.
• 5 bad habits I have...
• Should I really tell on myself? I procrastinate, a lot. I tell others what to do, all the time. I am NEVER wrong, no matter how wrong I am. That's enough I think.
• 5 things I like doing...
• Reading, reading, you get the idea. I also like to create things. I like my art. I like to create stuff for my site, and for my siblings I'll create stuff for theirs too. Everyone else has to ask se7en. Not everything is free! {hee hee, another plug for BGW, didn't think I would, didja?!}
• 5 things I would never wear...
• Ha ha ha! Dresses, high heels, perfume, you get the idea yet?! I am not ladylike and will strike damn near anyone who would suggest it! *grin*
• 5 t.v. shows I like...
• Since it says tv shows...(ya'll know what's comin' dontcha?!) Inuyasha, Samurai Champloo, The Avatar, Shaman King, The Closer. I told ya, didn't I? The last one is an actual show, not a cartoon. Monday nights, TNT, 8pm Central time, if ya wanna check it out!
• 5 movies I like...
• Well, I don't really do movies. Any disney movie, I like it! Brother Bear is the most recent one I've seen. It made me cry, SHUT UP! It was great! I watched Constantine most recently too. Not only did it have Keanu Reeves, who makes me melt every time, it had a great storyline too!
• 5 famous people I'd like to meet...
• No one! I don't do well with strangers, and there's really no one I'd wanna meet anyway. Don't wanna be disillusioned, you know!
• 5 biggest joys of the moment...
• My kids, my books, my Bon Jovi music, my internet, and well, that's it for now.
• 5 favorite toys...
• I don't really do toys. I have some stuffed animals I like to look at though.
• 5 people to tag...
• Now that would be cruel and unusual punishment. That's not legal, ya know! If ya want it, take it. I did it in a <ul> to make it easier to read.

Ya'll have fun now. See ya later! |

Yes, I'm still alive. As I told ya'll, we went to the library a while back. I've been busy enjoying my 10 borrowed books. Unfortunately, I have to give them back by Saturday. I'm going to miss them. I don't think I've ever had that many books at once that I've enjoyed reading over and over. Usually it's only 2 or 3 out of the bunch. Let's see. There's Bertrice Small's Skye O'Malley series. They are absolutely captivating. There were 4 of those. Then there was 'The Bride' by Julie Garwood. It was hilarious. It was written prior to 'The Wedding' that I so enjoyed last library visit. I got it this time too. I've never seen that much humor in a trashy romance before. Laughing my ass off over something nearly every chapter. I found 2 new authors. They were quite good. There was 'Breath of Magic' by Teresa Madieros and 'Enchanted' by Elizabeth Lowell. As ya'll know, I love anything to do with magic. 'Enchanted' absolutely fascinated me. You should read it. If I thought the library would let me, I'd try to buy it from them. Oh, and dear god the sex scenes. I thought you'd like to know...they were awesome! After all, isn't that why we read the trashy romances? I'm gonna make a list of the authors for reference to take to the library with me next time. Hopefully sometime this week. I'll be making a list of the titles too, just so I can keep a look out to buy them. I've read each book atleast 10 times or more and still am not bored with them.

Anyway, in other news... Well there really isn't any. That's all I've been doing is reading. I was going nuts! It must have been just what I needed. I'll be coming by to visit ya'll soon. Hopefully there aren't too many posts that I haven't read. I have to get back to my books! I think I'll look for my dirt cake recipe for the recipe blog. I don't think I have the one for puppy chow, but if dalyna or sweetpea has it, I'd like that too. Mmmm...peanut butter and chocolate! Never a better combination. See ya later! |