Now that I have pulled myself out of my doldrums, there are new things I have found to say. As you all now there are many blogs I visit, and there are some on the sidebar. The sidebar ones on my site, like others', are there because they are my favorites. Which reminds me, there are a few to add. I haven't gotten around to it because I choose to put them in by hand. I know I can do the free blogroll thingy. Personally, for me, it's a little too impersonal for my favorites. Putting in the HTML myself allows me to put fun stuff with them. If you'll mouse over your own site, you'll notice that words pop up. There are words specially chosen. Now not all of them have words, but I'll find the right ones eventually.
I've got to say, there are some that just demand their place on my blogs to visit list. Not the people who own them of course, but my desire that others can enjoy the benefits of reading them. Many of them have helped me keep my sanity and sense of humor. I will be adding Lois Lane soon, and some of ya'll know who that is. I don't comment, but I get so much laughter from her every day. Truth be told, that one is the one that has helped me the most. Laughter is the cure for everything. Once I get the links up, I'll have to think of catchy words to describe them. You know, to represent why I feel others should visit also.
Another thing I wish to say is that I have found myself to be not so different from other people. In my likes, my dislikes, pet peeves, etc. Thinking about it, maybe the title should read: I am not alone. I am not the only person with bad parents. Of course I 'knew' that, but I didn't. That doesn't make sense, but oh well. I am not the only one who hated being pregnant. I love and wanted my kids, it was the pregnant part I did not find fun. Anyone telling you different is either in denial or never had morning sickness, back pain, stretch marks or a very long labor. I am not the only one who despises make-up, dresses, all that girly stuff. I may be a woman, but that doesn't mean I need war-paint. Nor do I need to wear skirts or dresses and have to worry about keeping my legs tightly closed all the time. I am not the only one who finds men's jeans not only more comfortable, but easier to buy and wear. It's so much easier to just grab a pair of pants of the shelves and know they fit. Ever try buying women's clothing? The size alone varies from label to label and style to style. A pair of size 12 that fits, just grab one of the same brand with a different style and find you need a size 18 or 8. Why do the clothing designers assume that all women are hourglass shaped. They're not. Besides, when we gain weight we don't all gain it in the same place. Some need a bigger butt in the pants, wider hips, smaller waist. AAHH!! The headache! Nor am I the only one who hates that her body bleeds once a month. I will be relieved when that's gone. It's not exactly cheap, you know. I am also not the only one who cannot wear a tampon, being too small for any brand to be comfortable. If I had had a natural birth with either of my boys, that might have changed, but it wasn't to be. Don't get me wrong, I like being a woman. I don't like being pigeon-holed into the place society likes for me to be. I am not the only woman who finds it very hard to find a bra that supports and fits and you can't 'pop' out of. Thanx to Tina for helping me find a place to buy those. Target is awesome! It's sad that it took me until I was 27/8 years old to find a bra I can wear. I'm not the only woman who wonders why some people like to have a string up their butt. I spent years as a girl trying to keep my underwear from riding up, I don't need something to wear something that does it on purpose now. I'm also finding that unless I'm wearing jeans or sweats I don't need underwear. Talk about freeing. Why is it that it's no big deal if men don't wear underwear, but if women don't they are considered...well we'll use the word wanton. I like that word, it's in a few of the new books from the library. Of course since I don't generally go anywhere, I'm almost always in my jammies. I love jammies. They have the best ones in the men's section at wal-mart. Yeah, I said men's section. They make flannel jammy pants. They are soooo soft and comfy. When I was pregnant, I wore them everywhere. Hell, nothing else fit. They only make maternity clothes for the stick people. I am not and have never been a stick people. My waist, from buying men's jeans, used to be 32", now it's 34". That's not really so bad, especially since I was over 200lb. after both boys. I need to find some kind of exercise that isn't quite like exercise. I detest exercise, it's boring! Need something fun for that. Anyway I guess I'm saying that there are many people out there that can relate to just about any aspect of my life I feel like writing about. Even if they don't understand, or have the same problem they can still understand.
Friends. Let's talk about them. True friends are hard to find. They like you for who you are. You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not. That is so very rare. I've been thinking. Most of us, probably, choose friends who are not like us. Each one will bring something different to the relationship. I mean how often do you see a group of friends that all of them are alike. I don't think that happens. Usually with a group there is a shy one, an outspoken one, one who takes no shit, one who can be a doormat. You get the idea. They all bring something different. It's not that they choose that person because of that, I think it's instinct. Also I think they help each other be more adaptive to their environment. The shy person will come out of their shell. The outspoken one will learn when to keep their mouth shut when appropriate. The one who takes no shit will learn that sometimes they need to. And especially, the doormat learns from the others to stand up for themselves and be who they need to be. Everyone benefits. All without knowing. They are all kindred spirits, they have many things in common, yet all have a different type of personality. In truth women do not have many true friends. They have a handful. A handful with which they can be their true selves. Able to share their worries, sorrows, happiness. No fear of any of them to be revealed. All is secret within that small circle.
For those who have never had this, I'll give you a look. My friends are now spread apart, but it is the same. There are no secrets in this little circle. All know each other's fears, trials, etc. There is never a fight over a boy. A boy cannot break this bond. If he ever tries, he is doomed. There is no future for him. Any good man would recognize this, for he has a small circle of his own. I guarantee all of these women have atleast once seen each other naked. Get your mind out of the damn gutter! There is sometimes comparison of size. Sometimes it's look at these stretch marks. Other things. It's nothing sexual at all. They get together and if one needs to change, there goes the group into the room so they can still talk before one has to leave.(like for work or something) Of course there is talk about boys. I know, I'm using the word boys, but for me these girls/women were there when I was a girl. Who's cute, who's interested. If ever a boy wanted to know if a girl likes him, all he has to do is ask her friend. Of course she won't answer, but the expression will give it away. There is talk of sex. This is where they actually get their sex education. Gotta realize that parents don't do very well for that. There is only speculation while they are still 'innocent', and then as expirience is recieved it is relived in all it's glory, or not so glory for all. Any boyfriend, husband...the girls know if he's a good kisser, if he pays attention to her 'readiness', if it's good for her. It's not a blow by blow detail kind of thing. It's more the ability to read her friends' expressions, words, and reading between the lines. This bond is something special. No one can put it together. No one can break it. If ever she needs it, they are there. No matter how many miles, how much time away. Not even death can break that bond. She will still be there in the memories they share. In the birth of their children. In all the achievements and sorrows. In their minds, they know what her advice and wisdom would be were she there to share it. They know. This small group of girls/women could be made up of sisters, of childhood friends, of schoolmates, of complete strangers who know each other only through writing. This special bond is something I wish for all of you to have. If you don't, one day you will find it. Everyone is special. Some people just take longer to see it. But first you must see it for yourself. This is what my group of friends did for me. No, not all of them are my sisters. My sisters are different. Each one with her own special place in my heart. My first group of friends are those who made me realize that I am special. They are my childhood friends and my classmates. I miss Billie most of all. I lost her damn cell phone number again! I know she needs me. I think the paper fell out of my pocket or something. I hope she looks in the phone book for me soon. I was never her 'best' friend, but that never mattered to me. I am not a jealous person by nature. God I wish she was here. Well, she kind of is. She lives about 30 mins away, I think.
For Billie: I'm sorry I got so caught up in my own life, I wasn't there when you had your babies. I'm sorry I wasn't there when Mike decided to be an ass. I'm sorry he wasn't the man we both thought he was. I'm sorry he's decided he doesn't want his children. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you figured it out. I'm sorry I wasn't there when your mother threw you aside in favor of him. Your sister too. You should have called me. I would have come. I would have put everything aside for you. I am sorry you are alone now. I wish you were here with me. I will be waiting for you to decide you're ready. I will help you. |