Tina's post today brought something to my attention. I remember the uproar over young mothers abandoning their babies. I cannot pretend to know what motivates these young girls to do this. I can only speculate. Here are my speculations: Fear of parents. Fear of what schoolmates will say. Fear of physical/mental abuse from a)father of child b)mother or father c)pregnancy resulting from rape or molestation. I did get pregnant at 16, however I had a miscarriage and didn't know it was possible for me to be pregnant at the time. It's a long story. If you want more info on that, go to the january archives, it's at the bottom of the about me post.
So, now I'm curious. What states have this law? Does my state have it? Turns out we do, however I was unaware of it. Makes me wonder how many kids don't know about it. I googled using safe+haven+law. First site that came up is A safe haven for newborns. There is a map on the page. I live in missouri. This is the link for that.
State of Missouri
Safe Place for Newborns
Toll Free Crisis Line: 1-877-440-2229
House Bill 1443 - (Approved by Governor July 2, 2002; Effective August 28, 2002)
Online Text of Bill note:this is only for MO, use the first link to find your state.
Highlights:
* Age: Less than 30 days old
* Safe Havens: On duty hospital staff, firefighters, emergency medical technician, and law enforcement, any other medical facility.
* Liability: : Immune from prosecution on child abandonment and endangering welfare of child who is less than 5 days old; affirmative defense for child abandonment and endangerment of welfare to child who is between 6-30 days old
Update: found a site that lists all states that have it. Also has info about what education is on it. Unfortunately, the only education on it in my state is DFS has brochures. It's a pdf, view it if you want to know info about your state.
This bothers me. Not that we have the law, that I was unaware of it. It passed in 2002. If I didn't know about it, how many children don't know? This is something that should be well known. This is why I have a problem with abstinence only sex education. Everyone makes mistakes. We, as little girls, are taught that we should be ashamed of our bodies and subsequently our budding sexuality. As a teen I had sex too young. I know it now, I knew it then. Why, you ask? Because he wanted to. The mentality of girls today is worse. They feel to have friends, not just boyfriends/girlfriends, they must have sex with them. (You have heard of 'freinds with benefits', right?) I'm not saying this applies to all, but if you watch any news at all, you must have caught a few stories about these things. Katie Couric did a Dateline Special on this. A two hour show. If anything, this should tell you it is more prevalent than you think. I don't think it was a great look into the problem. Most of the kids denied any sexual activity and had just 'seen' it go on. They knew their parents would see it, in fact their parents were in the next room. Did they tell the truth? We have no way of knowing. We must be open and honest with our kids. They are not angels. They are not perfect. They WILL make mistakes. They will be making these decisions. We, as parents, must give them the right information. We must be open and honest. We must share our expiriences. Don't you learn from other's expiriences/mistakes? Your child can learn from your mistakes. Hiding your past is only going to make them resentful of you lying. They may even think it's no big deal, since you didn't tell them about it. There is no sense in telling them it's wrong to have sex, you know that one day they will, eventually.(We just hope it's not until they are 50 or something.) They know you don't want them to. What they need is for you to give them good reasons not to. Don't lie about birth control. Teach them to use it. You do not know when they will make that decision. One day they are going to have sex. Whether it's before marriage or not. Just because you're married doesn't mean you should never use birth control. Some people aren't ready for kids yet, even then. They must have the ability to support themselves first. You can't tell kids that condoms don't work. It's a medical fact that they do. Never has it been claimed that they always work. They have disclaimers everywhere that they can break and may not prevent pregnancy/STD's. Question: Would you rather your child have unprotected sex, or use whatever means necessary to lessen the chance they'll catch something/get pregnant? Yes, I will tell my children not to have sex. Of course I don't want them to. They are my babies. However, I will educate them. I am not stupid, I know that one day they will make that decision. I want them to use a condom every single time. No hesitation about using them. I want them to make sure the girl is on birth control also, in case the condom breaks. I will make sure they know how to put one on. I will make sure they know the right size to buy. I will make sure they have them. I will make sure they know about STD's. I will be sure to show them all the nasty pictures showing each kind. I hope it will prevent them from having sex. Being more realistic, I hope more that when they choose to have sex they will always use a condom. No exceptions, I want that to be second nature. I don't want them to think about not using one. That is my greatest fear. They will go out into the big bad world and have sex with some girl, get her pregnant and/or catch a disease. I know abstinence is the only way to guarantee no disease and/or pregnancy. My kids will know that too. Did you know that many kids today do not consider oral sex to be 'sex' as we know it to be? Did you know some consider it to be a form of birth control in and of itself? Did you know some believe they cannot get STD's this way? How did this come about in our society? Don't go blaming it on Clinton. Oral sex has been around on tv and in movies before he got his blowjobs on the news. You want to know what I think? If you're still reading you do, you haven't closed your browser window. If anyone is to blame for the way kids consider and have sex today, it's their parents. It is not and never will be a school's responsiblity to teach kids about sex. Parents are the only ones to blame. Not tv, not movies, not music lyrics. You have control over the computer and tv access. You can choose to remove it from your house. Your kid doesn't need the internet at home to do schoolwork. That's what the library is for. You choose what movies your kids see. You choose what books they read. You can choose to throw out music with lyrics you don't approve of. You choose whether or not to monitor their online activies. You, and you alone. I understand some parents can't be with their kids all day. It's called unplug the cords and take them with you. Take the tv out of your house. Don't have one. It will not kill, nor hurt, your kid not to have a tv. They can read a book. Books are better, they make your brain work harder. They require imagination. Remember, only you have control over what your child does at home. The law says you must feed, clothe, and house your child. Nothing else. They do not need designer clothing/products, tv, movies, radio/cd players, phone, computer. If they have these things, it's because you allow it. Let's quit blaming the gaming industry, movie industry, music industry, tv for what your kids do. There are warnings on music, movies, games, even tv shows. If it comes into your house, it's no one's fault but yours.
Take the blinder's off. Your kids aren't perfect, they never will be. Educate them. Give them the tools they need to grow up and be a contributing member of society. Take a deep breath, it's over now. Until I think of something more to add ;) |